Vaguely Us

(500) Days of Gwen Stacy

schwegler — Fri, 25 May 2012 14:37:06 -0400

I haven’t been following The Amazing Spider Man stuff very much. So, I’m just now learning that Marc Webb directed it. I can’t wait for Peter and Gwen to go hang out in Ikea for a day!

Follow Friday: "Banned by the Bible"

schwegler — Fri, 25 May 2012 11:41:55 -0400

Follow Friday: "Banned by the Bible":

I never knew Leviticus disallowed so many things. Here’s a sample:

Burning any yeast or honey in offerings to God (2:11)
Failing to include salt in offerings to God (2:13)
Eating fat (3:17)
Eating blood (3:17)
Failing to testify against any wrongdoing you’ve witnessed (5:1)
Failing to testify against any wrongdoing you’ve been told about (5:1)
Touching an unclean animal (5:2)
Carelessly making an oath (5:4)
Deceiving a neighbour about something trusted to them (6:2)
Finding lost property and lying about it (6:3)

The full list of 75.

areasofmyexpertise: Sometimes I ask my friends this question:...

schwegler — Fri, 25 May 2012 09:57:26 -0400

areasofmyexpertise:

Sometimes I ask my friends this question: “If you were offered the role of lead Ghostbuster in Ghostbusters 3, but you knew that if you took the role that Bill Murray would never speak to you… you knew that if he ever saw you he would just shake his head and walk away, would you do it?” Because it’s hard for me to think of a worse thing.

I do not believe “a worse thing” exists. Truly, a goal in everyone’s life should be to eventually meet, befriend, and possibly work with Mr. Murray.

A Social Network of 5

schwegler — Fri, 25 May 2012 08:31:00 -0400

Google Plus has allowed me realize the moderate dreams I had of using Path. I credit the redesigned app for this. Do a bunch of random people I vaguely met once comment on my posts? Nope. Is there a strange core group that keeps it an interesting place to take in content and opinions? Yep.

Yet, Google Plus has proved more interesting than Path. I follow many brands and news sites in a Twitter-like fashion. I push a chunk of my posts to the public at large. I can also, however, drill down and only see interesting posts filtered by relation or topic.

Is Google+ a ghost town in comparison to Facebook or Twitter? Yep. Have they managed to continually drive me to interact with people on this site because of the much better signal to noise ratio? Hell yes.

I will admit that this is probably not how Google envisioned G+. They probably thought it was going to go head-to-head with Facebook. It ended up being a strange mix that resembles a media-rich early version of Twitter. The geeks are there. A small cohort of interesting people interact with me there. I like it there.

Some G+ Follow Picks

Here’s a nice group of relatively active, quality Google Plussers to follow. Add them to a circle and enjoy the flowing content.

Nicki Cooper: Culture, music, TV, Hairpin articles*
Ahmaud Templeton: Good reads, interesting links
Doug Gladden: Law, politics, philosophy
Will Young: Culture, geekdom
Joey-Elijah Sneddon: Linux, who, geekdom

*A contributor to the very blog you are reading.

My Comatose Social Contingency Plan

schwegler — Wed, 23 May 2012 08:53:00 -0400

A post by Parker recently inspired me to create an action-items list for my social media accounts if I were to become suddenly incapacitated for an extended period of time. So, internet friends, here is what I want to happen if I am incapacitated and my name is printed somewhere that would inspire Google searches.

Lock down my twitter account.
Make it private. No need to delete my inane posts about stupid things like Smash drinking games, GOP debate drinking games, and awkward party drinking games—just, make them a little less easy to find.
Delete my main Tumblog and redirect that URL to some charity site.
There are enough links back to my blog to do some good—just not any good for my comatose ass’s reputation.Side note: the #1 post on my blog is a copy and pate job I did in 2008 from the Facebook list of birthdays. Thanks vanity searches!
Point journalists to my LinkedIn and G+ accounts. Those are leastembarrassing.
Or, point them to my Path account. Basically, I get in trouble when I interact with people. Human interaction brings out the worst in me. These internet waste-lands are either blather about music I listen to and overly filtered photos or blather about the news/TV and comments from Nicki and Ahmaud*.
Go nuclear with my Facebook account.
I recently reset my Facebook account and it’s already an embarrassing cesspool of Youtube videos and awkward exchanges I thought would be funny at the time.** We would all be better off without Facebook—I just need it to plan trips and events.

*Whenever I read his full name, I get that Mr. Templeton song from 30 Rock stuck in my head.

**Note to self: it’s never funny a week later.

In Memorium, Community 2009-2012

westbaltimorehumanlions — Sat, 19 May 2012 20:13:00 -0400

I’m currently writing this the way Dan Harmon would have wanted it, and yeah, we’re all bummed, but let’s talk about the finale on Thursday that seems to be overshadowed by Sony and NBC’s skullduggery.

Those final moments were the closest TV has gotten to the last minute of the Friday Night Light finale “Always”* which itself was the closest network TV has gotten to The Wire’s finale. Harmon called it a bow to the audience, thanking them for watching the show all year.** And that’s what he did, but not just for the year, but the three years he was there. It definitely felt like he knew that his time was up, which is why he borrowed The Wire’s finale montage of using its theme song as the music. As has been noted on some sites about the return to the pilot (not unlike Arrested Development’s series finale), it really seemed like Dan Harmon knew he was gone and went out the way he wanted to.

I’m sad to see the show I cared about for 3 years go***, and it would be really easy to be mad at Sony and NBC, but I guess I’m Troy at the end of “Basic Rocket Science.” What kind of company would not only let someone write three paintball episodes, a Law and Order parody, a Goodfellas homage, a Pulp Fiction bait-and-switch to My Dinner with Andre, but actually give that person the money to make those episodes and air them? We were lucky to get 3 years, and there’s nothing anyone can do to take them away.

Actually. SHIT. Don’t read that last sentence, Sony/NBC. Don’t take them away from us. Please. You’ve given us enough panic attacks for 10 seasons of Breaking Bad.

*”Always” has the infamy of beating out Mad Men’s “The Suitcase” in the Emmy for Outstanding Writing for Drama. My take? “The Suitcase” is the better episode. Written, acted, as an overall piece of television. If you were to put ten episodes of television in a time capsule to exemplify television of the early 2000s, that’s on that list. But “Always” is a much finer example of what Friday Night Lights the show was about as a whole. And it makes this grown man cry more.

** It’s somewhere in this series. I really hope either Todd VanDerWerff interviewed Harmon before he was fired or he’s able to interview Harmon again for the third season because these are enlightening pieces into the writing mind and production process.

*** It can still be a good, maybe even a great show. The duo that are taking over also worked on Happy Endings, and that is a very fine show. But it won’t be Dan Harmon’s Community.

The Community Drinking Game To Drown Your Sorrows

westbaltimorehumanlions — Sat, 19 May 2012 19:32:00 -0400

As you might have heard Sony (not NBC, NBC doesn’t own the show*) fired Dan Harmon off Community, which means the end of Community as we know it and probably the start of some half-assed 9th Season of Scrubs-like fourth season at worst, and a “Eh, it’s enjoyable to hang out with these people, I guess, but remember the first three seasons, man?” fourth season. So, you’re probably rewatching the series, like I am, and pouring one out for the fallen leader. So, here’s the rules (shots can be fingers of your drink, also):

Jeff Winger speech- If it fails, take a shot. If it succeeds, two shots/half your drink.
Abed says “Cool/Cool. Cool cool cool.” or Abed refers to life being like a TV show-take a shot.
Britta is the worst- take a shot. If someone outside the group calls Britta the worst, take two shots.
Annie gasps in shock or Awwws something- take a shot. Two shots if it’s in conjunction with Shirley doing the same thing.
Shirley uses her sexy voice/mentions Jesus- take a shot. If both, take two shots.
Pierce comically misses the point- take a shot.**
Donald Glover one liner or Troy mishears/mispronounces a word- take a shot.
Dean in a costume- take a shot. (Don’t start with “Paradigms of Human Memory”)
1st season only: Chang abuses his teaching powers, take a shot. 2nd and 3rd season: Chang uses his name as a pun, take a shot. Anyone else uses Chang’s name as a pun, two shots.
You spot a movie reference/TV Trope before it’s said by name- two shots. After it’s said- one shot.
Shipping moments: Trobed, Jean, Anbed, Jetta, Brinnie, Abetta, Jennie, Broy- one shot. Jerley, Cherly, Shierce, Channie’s Boobs- 2 shots. Aang (either Abed/Chang or Annie/Chang)-3 shots.

*Although NBC wasn’t really all that worked up about it, with Bob Greenblatt saying, “[S]hows lose showrunners all the time.” It’s not their fault that Dan Harmon was fired, but it’s kind of their fault that they didn’t renew the show with a clause that he’d still be on as showrunner (because why renew it in the first place anyway?).

**I guess you could also add “Pierce says something racist/homophobic” but hey, it’s your liver.

Welcome to Life. The future of perpetual futures with copyright...

schwegler — Wed, 16 May 2012 17:28:16 -0400

Welcome to Life.

The future of perpetual futures with copyright protections.

laughingsquid: Aaron Sorkin To Adapt ‘Steve Jobs’ for...

schwegler — Wed, 16 May 2012 15:17:48 -0400

laughingsquid:

Aaron Sorkin To Adapt ‘Steve Jobs’ for Sony

There is a god, and he knows just what I wanted for this movie.

The NorCal Margarita

schwegler — Wed, 16 May 2012 12:59:31 -0400

The NorCal Margarita is a magical drink. The liberal use of lime juice is the main culprit here. It’s also a tasty way to enjoy drinks without spiking you glycemic index.

2–3 shots of 100% agave tequila.
Juice and pulp from one lime.
Stir, don’t shake, it all up and add some ice.
Top with soda water to taste.

It’s quite the manly marg, isn’t it? No, but really, try one. You’ll like it.

Is it just me, or did Ryan Murphy basically cast Will Schuster...

schwegler — Wed, 16 May 2012 10:30:41 -0400

Is it just me, or did Ryan Murphy basically cast Will Schuster as one of the gay dads?

From the Stage Hands the Brought You Gossip Girl

schwegler — Wed, 16 May 2012 08:50:31 -0400

The best part about watching the teasers for all these ABC pilots is how many times “from the __________ of Gossip Girl” has show up so far. Because, you know, that’s a draw.

666 Park: “The new Lost… from Alloy Entertainment and the minds behind Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars.” ‘Nuff said. Real take away: remember the attractive sibling from Brothers and Sisters? He’s back! Also, John Locke and Vanessa Williams.

Mistresses: “From the writer of Gossip Girl” THE writer? Well, from what I can tell, it’s an adaptation of an ok BBC show. Also, it will give Alyssa Milano’s teeth the vehicle they need in the 21st century.

Nashville didn’t mention anything about Gossip Girl… but, it did use “from the writer of Thelma and Louise” as their cred-line. Also, the thrust of this show seems to be mocking Taylor Swift.

At this point I would like to point out that there’s a new Reba McIntyre comedy where she also plays a country singer. It sounds like a reversal of the year NBC had Studio 60 and 30 Rock on the schedule. Honestly, it looks like they’re attempting to build a Friday night family comedy block a la the early days of TGIF.

There are other trailers out there for you to enjoy—but, none of them seemed amazingly terrible or used Gossip Girl as the unlikely way to buy cred. I mean, did they see that finale?

So, quickly, there’s:

A Dutch mystery adaptation. Meh.
Celia Hodes + Second Becky + Lurch. Hmmmm….
Another UK import with the silver lining of J.K. Simmons—but, with one of the skinny halves of one of the fat-man-skinny-wife CBS comedies.
Something about a submarine? Political intrigue?
I would have loved this show on Nickelodeon in the 90s. No, but really, Nick is missing out on this one 20 years ago.
That guy who died of brain cancer on E.R. 15 years ago pulls a DaVinci code.

So, Smash is getting a show-runner from Gossip Girl.

schwegler — Tue, 15 May 2012 08:28:12 -0400

This news is the best news about next season that took me a month to see. The fit is quite perfect once you let the first season of Smash sink in all the way.

Gossip Girl is a show about people you don’t really care about doing things you don’t really care about. You’re told to like them and that they are important—but, you don’t and they aren’t. It is a show best viewed over wine. It is a show full of ridiculousness built upon a foundation of gold lamé ridiculousness.

Smash is a show about people you don’t really care about doing things you don’t really care about. You’re told you should care about their lives and aspirations—but, you don’t. It is a show best viewed after playing my NBC Talent Show Drinking Game. It is a show full of ridiculousness built upon a foundation of shiny, gold lighting. There is also singing. (The songs are actually quite good.)

Angelica Houston’s Eileen is basically Lilly Van Der Humphrey complete with bastard ex-husband and a bar-tending Deus Ex Rufus.

Ellis is basically Dan Humphrey and Vanessa Abrams’ sexually ambiguous bastard-child.

Katherine McPhee’s Karen is easily a analogue of dead-eyes Serena.

Megan Hilty’s Ivy and that dude from Coupling’s director character are probably Blair and Chuck—but, I’m basing this one on just him having sex with other women and me tiring of their relationship after one episode.

I’m drawing a blank on character elements about Debra Messing’s character and Tom except that she looks depressing and he’s gay and has sad-eyes… so, I’m going to say she’s early-stage-Lil’J and he’s Eric Van Der Woodsen.

Frank on the Gossip Girl season finale.

westbaltimorehumanlions — Mon, 14 May 2012 21:31:00 -0400

This show is garbage. And in complete honesty, I haven’t seen the last two or so episodes.

Bart Bass is back? I mean, I kind of expected this like at the end of season three, four tops, so when he didn’t come back, I just figured he was actually dead (because I’m a moron because I’ve seen waaaaay too much of this show). And he’s back as a completely horrible person? Which, I mean, he started as a horrible, lack of emotion person whose point was to eventually show the cracks in the armor, but I guess that was during a point when this show was less complete garbage.
Lily and Rufus- I can’t. Really. Both of you are awful which is why you’re separating but at the same logic why you are perfect together, so.
Blair “chooses” Chuck for no fucking reason (which makes no sense because he sold her for a hotel he sold her for a hotel he sold her for a hotel) about five minutes after being absolutely right about van der Horribleperson (OH, we’ll get there). And the kicker, “You’ve been fighting for me all year,” because, nope, the guy she’s been banging all spring hasn’t been fighting for her, nope. I’m not emotionally invested in Dair, but I am emotionally invested in logic.
Nate continues to be pointless and with a cold sore(? that’s lasted five weeks? I’m a straight dude, and all I’m staring at is the lump on his lip).
Dan…I don’t even know what to say. He’s probably the most logical person here. You know what? I’m with you and Lola and Ivy. Fuck these guys. Burn this social circle to the ground and salt the earth.
Chuck. “It was my empire!” YOU ARE 22, MAYBE. Hey, yeah, maybe your dad was kind of a dick by coming back from the dead and taking away the empire but he is an adult and hasn’t sold a person for a hotel (probably embezzled some money, and maybe some fraud, but not sex trafficking).
And finally, Serena van der Horribleperson. Actually, I kind of admire what the writers are doing here (if only they did it to Chuck as well). Because they realized she’s a van der Horribleperson! No, seriously! It’s almost as if they watched Breaking Bad before the season started and wanted to write a complete downward spiral of cuntery and apply it to her! (No, I’m not insane enough to write a Master’s thesis called “Serialized Downward Spiral Characterization: Comparing and Contrasting the Character Development of Walter White and Serena van der Woodsen”) It’s like selling meth for money is fucking Dan for ???? “A girls walks into a bar and sees her boyfriend getting fucked and you think that of me? No! I am the one who fucks your boyfriend!”- Serena van der Horribleperson.

But hey, a shortened final season for the show, so I guess all terrible things come to an end.

And that will bring the total episode count to 122. List of better shows that have (or probably will have) less episode counts (I’m excluding cable networks because I’d be here all day):

Firefly
Angel
Community (on Fridays this fall and only a 13 episode order, so make sure to watch it, so that we can Chuck it and get an extra nine episodes!)
LOST, by about this much (both in quality and the number of episodes)
Freaks and Geeks
Chuck
Friday Night Lights
Veronica Mars
Pushing Daisies
Arrested Development
etc.

Do Yourself a TV Favor.

schwegler — Mon, 14 May 2012 20:46:10 -0400

Watch NBC every Monday.
Make a large, alcoholic drink.
Drink every time your cringe.
Suddenly, once 10PM comes around, you’ll think Smash is AMAZING.

I don’t care what meme this is from. I care that it made...

schwegler — Fri, 04 May 2012 13:07:47 -0400

I don’t care what meme this is from. I care that it made me laugh cause he was in that terrible “re-imagining” of Rear Window a few years back. AND HE’S IN A REAR WINDOW!!!

"Like other vultures it is a scavenger, feeding mostly from carcasses of dead animals. It usually..."

schwegler — Fri, 04 May 2012 07:40:35 -0400

“Like other vultures it is a scavenger, feeding mostly from carcasses of dead animals. It usually disdains the rotting meat, however, and lives on a diet that is 90% bone marrow. The Lammergeier can swallow whole bones up to the size of a lamb’s femur[6] and its powerful digestive system quickly dissolves even large pieces. The Lammergeier has learned to crack bones too large to be swallowed by carrying them up to a height and then dropping them onto rocks below, smashing them into smaller pieces and exposing the nutritious marrow. This learned skill requires extensive practice by immature birds and takes up to seven years to master.”

- The Lammergeier

Game of Thrones IS REAL LIFE. (via mikesova)

schwegler — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 09:58:36 -0400

Game of Thrones IS REAL LIFE.

(via mikesova)

A Guide to Hangovers

schwegler — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 09:33:00 -0400

The best approach to ridding yourself of a hangover is certainly to not get one. You can accomplish this with a few pro-tips:

Eat healthy foods before you begin drinking.
Do the usual dance of alternating drinks with water. Order a water with every drink and don’t get another drink until the water is gone.
Before you go to bed, take a time-release B-Complex supplement.

If you forgot to do those things, you might wake up feeling rough. It’s cool, though, because I have you covered on this end of the hangover too.

As soon as you can eat something, eat something.
Take your favorite pain reliever cocktail. I prefer Advil Cold and Sinus, because my main problem is that my allergies have decided to attack my now-dried up sinus cavities.
Remember those time release B vitamins? Take them right now.
Drink a ton of water. Coconut water is nice, too.
Speaking of water, you smell terrible. I would suggest you take a shower.
Get your intestines situated by either eating some yoghurt, drinking some kombucha, or taking some pro-biotic supplements.
Memories will start to come back of the previous night. You’ll want to take care of this by drinking a little bit more booze. My favorite hangover drink is the classic bloody mary. It really helps easing the withdrawal symptoms you’re forcing your body through since you forgot to take it slow last night.
By this point, you’ve probably been awake for 2-3 hours. Take a nap, you deserve it.
Hopefully, the food, probiotics, and time have helped. This will lead to the final phase of any hangover: Hangover Poop. It’s the worst smelling poop—but, it marks the end of you body’s fight to rid itself of all that poison you shoved in it.

If you still have a hangover, only time will heal it. Place a trashcan next to your bed, open your laptop to Netflix, and cancel all of your appointments.

On the other hand, this may have worked for you. I hope you celebrate by drinking a bottle of wine alone in your room while browsing Tumblr! This has never given me a hangover.*

Happy drinking!

*Only true when I stick to red wine with a relatively low sugar-content.

westbaltimorehumanlions: doormousedoodles: Per...

isnteverything — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 23:33:12 -0400

westbaltimorehumanlions:

doormousedoodles:

Per westbaltimorehumanlions’ post…

Oh. Your. God.

Why would anyone ever eat anything besides breakfast foods?